It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sponge bath it is.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
