This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
