I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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