Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
