Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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