i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
