called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
