I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
