Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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