I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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