Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
