dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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