I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
