Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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