I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
