I faked an abortion last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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