rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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