Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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