peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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