there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
