I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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