you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
