I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
