party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
