he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
