Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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