His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The Olympian is in my bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
