just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
