I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
