Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
