Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
