so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
