i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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