called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
