if i can run in heels then i can drive
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just google imaged poop.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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