Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
