First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
