If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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