please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
