The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
