I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Damn victory sex feels great
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
