And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
