My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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