p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
