the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
