Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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