I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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