Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
