She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
