I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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