I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
