You made me cry and you don't even care
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
