Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
