i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
do nipples grow back?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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