i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
