Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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