Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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