she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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