the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
