I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
