I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
