was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize