That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
