dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm just crazy horny about you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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