Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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