I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
