So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Randomize
