i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
