I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He? As in you personified your dick?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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