Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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