I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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