uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
