Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
