Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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