just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
