Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
