Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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