oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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