Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
