Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
