No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Apparently you make a good broom.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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