i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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