why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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