He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
