This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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