I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we're so committed to being not committed
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
